“Life is too short to be anything but happy. Find happiness within because all of the external sources of happiness that you have can be taken away in a heartbeat. The mind and your mentality is the most powerful tool you have and a happy mind is a happy life.”
I was the most sociable girl you’d probably ever meet; I was out all of the time. But when I was diagnosed at 26 with breast cancer, I didn’t feel like going out. I lost my hair, I was scared of catching illness. Cancer and my precious social life just didn’t seem to go hand in hand.
Overall, due to my diagnosis I needed surgery, egg collection through IVF, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I still need further surgery and I continue to take a targeted cancer drug and will be for 2 years, and a hormone injection and a hormone pill for 5 years. I’d had surgeries before so that part didn’t scare me as much, but the chemotherapy was the scariest part of the journey. In films and media people having chemo are represented as so, so poorly and usually an older person. So, chemotherapy did make me feel petrified. The first 4 sessions of chemo I felt okay (other than losing my hair) but the last 4 made me feel awful. Radiotherapy wasn’t the same challenge that chemotherapy was, but it was still tough. It made me feel tired and it irritated my skin. The doctors gave me a gel to use on the burns and it was my everything.
Obviously, everything about breast cancer is difficult, but what I’ve struggled with most is the bit after cancer. When you’re having chemo, radiotherapy and surgery, you’re very much mentally in it and you don’t have a chance to think about anything other than treatment. But post-treatment, it’s like “What on Earth just happened to me for the past 6 months?”. It’s just adjusting to the new version of myself.
Through it all, my family and friends have been amazing and I couldn’t have asked for a better support system.I remember after I first got diagnosed, me and some of the closest people to me went to Eastbourne beach. We played mini golf and sat on the beach, had a beer and a cry. No one in my friendship group has experience with cancer, but they’ve all just come together to support me and each other, they’re brilliant. I love them. There were times when I just felt like I needed alone time, and my friends understood that and when I needed them again, they were there. And I always had a friend come with me to every chemo session, I’ve felt so lucky. I see my girls all of the time, I’ve just had to change what social meet means. I’m still going out, it’s just my world is so different now.
I’ve never really been a vulnerable person, so going through this and opening up to my friends and family in ways I haven’t before has been a massive learning curve for me. I’m not scared of asking for help anymore, people aren’t mind readers. If I want something I just need to say it, and everyone is always attentive and lovely.
I had a lot planned for myself before the diagnosis. I’d booked to go on a safari in Nairobi, Kenya and Zanzibar. I felt grief for the life that I’d planned because I had so much to look forward to and now that was on hold. And I felt scared for what my life would become and the unknown. I felt angry, I didn’t understand, why me? I even paid to see a past life regressionist in London, convinced I was an evil person in a past life, and that’s why I got cancer, but all I discovered was I’ll never know why and that I’d wasted £180.
Cancer isn’t the end of my story, it’s just a new chapter. We are so scared of cancer because of how it’s portrayed in the media and as people, we have a tendency of focusing on the negatives rather than anything else. Don’t get me wrong, cancer is awful, but it doesn’t define you. I want people to know that if you detect it early, you will have a second chance at life and the second life is so much better than your first. You see beauty in things you didn’t before, you appreciate the little things, you don’t stress about silly things, and you have so much more life and love to give. People feel nervous about checking their bodies or even going to the doctors because of this horrible image cancer perceives, but I’m here to show you that cancer doesn’t have to look like that. I’m so glad I felt my chest when I did. There is a life after cancer, and it’s amazing.
You can get breast cancer at any age. Whatever you feel, feel your chest. Check out more from our Feelings campaign below.
