How To Have A Difficult Conversation

Your loved one has breast cancer

First up, none of us find difficult conversations easy. We stumble and stutter, tripping over our words out of fear of saying the wrong thing. This is human. What matters is our intention. Listen with a yearning to understand, softening the urge to respond and to fix. Check in and ask, do you need me to sit and hold space with you right now? Or do you need me to be practical and helpful? Most of the time people just need us to listen. Know that someone’s cancer diagnosis isn’t always an opportunity for them to become a hero or an inspiration to others, sometimes it is something in their life they just need to get through or try and survive.

You have received a breast cancer diagnosis and need to tell your family and friends

Someone has lost a loved one to breast cancer

It’s common to hold a lot of fear around loss because it reminds us of our own mortality. We sometimes bring this fear with us when people we love are going through something difficult. We can fall into two camps: we either avoid reaching out to them, or we come in all guns blazing ready to fix, mend and fuel. Sadness doesn’t need to be treated with the urgency of a shark attack, and it also doesn’t need to be handled with kid gloves. Be gentle but be proactive, ask: How do you wish people would act around you right now? Affirm and recognise how very sh*t the situation is, validate it with mindful compassion.

You have noticed a change and don’t know how to speak to your doctor

The first instinct might be to panic but keep in mind that 9 out of 10 people who are referred to the breast clinic are not given a cancer diagnosis. It can feel embarrassing to talk to your doctor about your breasts, but they have seen it all before! If you would prefer to be seen by a doctor of a specific gender, you can request this when you book the appointment. If going to the doctors on your own feels scary, ask a friend or family member to accompany you. It may also help to bring notes about your symptoms with you to your appointment to refer back to if you feel overwhelmed at any point.